鑰冪爺蹇?jī)鐞嗗鑻辫璇荤墿_璺ㄨ€冪綉

Creating a New Model of Manhood

鈥曗€?/span>涓€縐嶆柊鐨勭敺鎬фā鍨?span lang="EN-US">(a new model of masculinity)銆傛垜浠兘澶熼紦鍔卞茍鏀寔鐢峰瀛愪滑鍔姏鍦板幓紓ㄧ牶hone鑷繁鐨勬儏緇櫤鍔涳紝鐢ㄥ績(jī)鏉ョ敓媧伙紝浣嗘槸錛岄櫎闈為?？U?span lang="EN-US">鈥?/span>鐢蜂漢鏄粈涔?span lang="EN-US">鈥?/span>鐨勮蹇靛彂鐢熶簡(jiǎn)鏀瑰彉錛屽惁鍒欙紝浠栦滑涓嶅彲鑳藉畬鍏ㄥ仛鍒拌繖涓€鐐廣€傚嵆浣夸粖澶╋紝鍦ㄧ數(shù)瑙嗕笂鎴栬€呭叾瀹冨湴鏂規(guī)墍鍚規(guī)崸鐨勭敺浜虹殑鐗瑰緛錛屼篃涓嶈繃鏄釜鐪嬫﹦姒勭悆姣旇禌鐨勬儏緇櫧鐥?span lang="EN-US">emotional idiot銆傚氨鍦ㄦ槰鏅氱殑鐢?shù)瑙嗕?span lang="EN-US">,榪樻湁涓€涓浼欏湪澶勪簬宕╂簝涓椂瀵逛竴涓湅鍙嬭錛?span lang="EN-US">鈥?/span>鎴戞兂鎴戞劅鍒頒簡(jiǎn)浠€涔堬紝濂藉儚鏄儏緇?span lang="EN-US">(嬋€鎯?span lang="EN-US">?)錛屼綘鏇炬湁榪囪繖縐嶆劅瑙変箞?鈥?p>

This is the shortest chapter of the book, not because it is less important, but because it deals with something that is yet to emerge鈥攁 new model of masculinity. We can encourage and support boys in their efforts to hone their emotional intelligence and live connected to their hearts, but they can鈥檛 do that fully unless the very notion of what a man is changes. Even today, the hallmark of manhood touted on TV and elsewhere is a football-watching emotional idiot. Just last night on TV, there was a guy in the midst of breakup saying to a friend, 鈥淚 think I feel something, like emotions. Have you ever felt emotions?鈥?p>

(鐩戞姢浜?span lang="EN-US">?caregivers)錛屾垜浠槸榪欐涓嶅鉤甯哥殑杞寲鐨勪績(jī)榪涜€呫€備絾鏄渶緇堬紝鐢鋒€х殑鏂扮殑姒傚康榪樺皢鍦ㄧ敺瀛╁瓙浠殑鎴愰暱涓庡彂鑲茶繃紼嬩腑鐨勬€濇兂涓庡績(jī)涓誕鐜般€傚浜庢垚騫寸敺鎬х殑鏂扮殑姒傚康鐨勫垱寤虹殑鏈€澶ц矗浠誨湪浜庝粬浠幓鎺㈢儲(chǔ)錛屽幓緇忓巻錛屽幓灝濊瘯錛屽茍涓斿幓綺劇偧銆傝€屾垜浠墍鑳藉仛鐨勫氨鏄幓鏁炲紑榪欎釜璁ㄨ錛屾敮鎸佷粬浠殑鍔姏錛屽茍鍦ㄥ叾鍛ㄥ洿鍒涢€犱竴涓己鏈夊姏鐨勬敮鎸佺郴緇熸潵澧炲浐鎯呯華琛ㄨ揪鐨勭泭澶勫拰鍔犳繁浜洪檯闂寸殑鍏崇郴銆?span lang="EN-US">

As parents and concerned caregivers, we are the midwives of this extraordinary transformation. But ultimately the new definition of manhood will emerge from the minds and hearts of our sons as they grow and develop. The largest responsibility for the creation of a new definition of manhood is theirs to discover, to experience, to experiment with, and to refine. What we can do is open the discussion, support them in their efforts, and create a strong support system around them that reinforces the benefits of emotional expression and deep interpersonal connection.

Talk about the Mixed Messages of Manhood

鈥?/span>鎴愪負(fù)涓€涓敺浜虹殑紜垏鍚箟鏄粈涔?span lang="EN-US">?鈥?/span>鎴戜粠鏈湡姝ｅ湴娓呮鍦板洖絳旇繃榪欎釜闂錛屼篃紜疄鏈浘闂繃鍒漢銆傝€屽彧鏄竴鐩村湪璇曞浘鑾峰緱鎴戦殢鏃墮殢鍦板彲浠ュ緱鍒扮殑鎻愮ず銆?span lang="EN-US">

鈥淟ooking back at when I was growing up, I realize that the main question that I struggled with for most of my childhood was, 鈥榃hat exactly does it mean to be a man?鈥?I never actually articulated that question and I certainly never asked anyone. I just kept trying to pick up clues wherever I could find them.鈥?p>

鈥?/span>闊︽仼錛屼粛鐒剁暀瀛樼潃涓€浜涘惛寮曞姏錛屼絾寰堟槑鏄炬槸鍗曟柟闈㈢殑錛屽茍涓斿凡涓嶅啀閫傜敤銆傝繖縐嶆柊鐨勬ā鍨嬪嚭鐜頒簬涓€閮ㄥ彨鍋?span lang="EN-US">鈥?/span>鏁忔劅鏂頒竴浠?span lang="EN-US">鈥?鈥淪ensitive New Age Guy鈥?/span>鐨勬儏鏅枩鍓э紝瀹冩彁渚涗簡(jiǎn)涓€涓貢緋熺碂鐨勶紝鍏呮弧鐫€涓嶈凍鐨勶紝涓嶆垚鐔熺殑鍙︾被鎴愬勾鐢鋒€ц鑹層€?span lang="EN-US">

It鈥檚 a mark of how blinded we are as a culture that the core question our sons have to struggle with is not even a topic of conversation. What is clear is that our definition of a good man is in a tumultuous and confusing transition. The old models, from knights in shining armor to John Wayne, still hold some attraction but are clearly one-dimensional and inadequate. The new models that appear out of the 鈥淪ensitive New Age Guy鈥?sitcom portrayal of fumbling manhood offer half-baked alternatives riddled with their own inadequacies.

?浠栦滑鍙堟€庝箞鍙兘鐭ラ亾鍦ㄦ病鏈変漢鎰挎剰鎵胯闂鎵€鍦ㄧ殑鍦版柟錛屼粬浠渶瑕佸悜浠€涔堟柟鍚戝彂灞曞憿?

So how do we help our sons deal with this heavy burden? How can they possibly know what direction they need to head if no one is willing to admit the question is out there?

;鎴戜滑榪樹(shù)笉鑳芥竻妤氭槑紜湴璇村嚭涓€涓敺浜哄浣曡兘鍦ㄦ病鏈夋毚鍔涖€佹劋鎬掋€佸拰鏁忔劅涓嬪彉寰楀己澶?span lang="EN-US">;鍦ㄥけ鍘昏嚜鎴戝叧娉ㄦ椂鑰屽瘜鏈夊悓鎯呭績(jī);鍦ㄤ笉鑷垜濂夌尞鏃跺彉寰楁叿鎱ㄣ€傛垜浠篃璁歌繕?shù)笉鑳芥湁涓€騫呮垜浠墍甯屾湜鐨勯浂鏁ｇ墖孌墊暣鍚堝湪涓€璧鋒椂鐨勬竻鏅扮敾闈紝浣嗘槸錛屾垜涓嶈兘鎯沖嚭鍙﹀鐨勪竴涓洿鍚堥€傜殑鍙寔緇皥璁虹殑璇濋?shù)簡(jiǎn)銆?span lang="EN-US">

By talking about it. By shining the bright light of reason on this murky and frightening issue. We may not have the answers yet; we may not be able to articulate exactly how a man should be strong without violence and anger, sensitive and compassionate without losing self-focus, generous without giving himself away. We may not have a clear picture of how we want the pieces to fit together, but is there is a better topic of ongoing conversation, I can鈥檛 think of it.

鈥︹€︹€︹€︹€︹€︹€︹€︹€︹€︹€︹€︹€︹€︹€︹€︹€︹€︹€︹€︹€︹€︹€︹€︹€︹€︹€︹€︹€︹€︹€︹€︹€︹€?p>

Parents: Let your son know that he is an important part of an extraordinary process鈥攖he redefinition of what it is to be a man鈥攁nd regularly invite his active participation in exploring what that definition should be.

?閭€(gè)璇鋒墍鏈変綘鐨勬垚闀夸腑鐨勭ぞ浼?xì)鐞嗚瀹朵滑鍘绘繁鍏ヲq跺垱寤轟粬浠嚜宸辯殑涓€涓敺浜烘墍搴旀湁鐨勭敾闈㈡妸銆?span lang="EN-US">

Teachers: This is a great topic for classwork. We are in the midst of an historic cultural transition. Why leave it to historians to look back years from now and tell us what we did? Invite all your budding social theorists to dive in and creat their own pictures of what a man should be.

鈥︹€︹€︹€︹€︹€︹€︹€︹€︹€︹€︹€︹€︹€︹€︹€︹€︹€︹€︹€︹€︹€︹€︹€︹€︹€︹€︹€︹€︹€︹€︹€︹€︹€?p>

Read History through New Eyes

鈥淥ne of my favorite memories was reading the same books as my father and talking about them. It was a tradition we accidentally started when he told me that The Once and Future King was one of his favorite books, so we both, decided to read it.鈥?p>

We are a product of our history, and that is more true in how we perceive our roles as men and women than we might care to admit. Gender roles have been handed down for generation after generation. Often these roles were rooted in very practical and useful historical divisions of labor and only became constricting later, when the circumstances that gave rise to them changed but the role separations continued.

One of the most enjoyable ways to explore this history and unravel the reasons that made sense and the reasons that no longer make sense is to go back in time with your children and explore the world of gender roles. Expose them to stories of other cultures in which things were divided up differently.

Give your children the gift of perspective and the challenge of imagination. Use history to open their minds to what the present is and the

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