2014考研英語寫作160篇:志愿者(考生作文批改及評分)_跨考網(wǎng)

　　寫作原文

　　The drawing indicates a long banner with the word “volunteer” and a website about volunteering on it ,and lots of people is(改為are，主語為people，謂語動詞用復數(shù)) portarying(拼寫錯誤，改為portraying) the outline of their hands to show sportive(改為support，此處應表示的是人們對志愿者服務的支持，且show為動詞，后面應接名詞作賓語，而sportive為adj.，表示“運動的”).Simple as it is,the picture reveals an exciting phenomenon that more and more people are willing to be volunteers.As the society developments(改為develops，此處應該使用動詞形式), our material comforts are considerably enhanced, thus, we are capable of the time and energy to help others. At the same time,with(去掉，若使用with，句子則無主語) the moral climate is getting better, which is under everybody’s efforts,(加and，兩個句子之間應該用連詞連接)the members of these volunteering organizations are mostly never asking for any rewards either on fame or money,so that the organizations can survive easily. It is hopeful that we will enjoy a more harmony(改為harmonious，more后面應該跟形容詞，且后面的society為名詞，應該用形容詞修飾) society in the future,if the things developes like this.Therefore,when we are eager to show our kindness,it is really necessary to keep our mind clear. For one thing, one should never give up once he begins to be a volunteer.For another,volunteer work is also a (去掉a，responsibility為抽象名詞，不能用不定冠詞修飾，)responsiblity(拼寫錯誤，改為responsibility) (建議改為volunteer work also needs responsibility), just as our normal work,so do try our best.

　　總體點評

　　文章構思不錯，但結尾較為倉促，說服力不強。文中還是存在一些基本的語法問題，作者后面應該加強;其次，注意詞性的正確使用;再者，建議作者在文章句子上下功夫，盡量擺脫漢語思維模式，多記多模仿一些高分佳句，并將其熟練運用于自己的文章中，使自己的作文水平不斷提升。期待著你的成功，加油!

　　參考分數(shù)(滿分20分)：12

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