2014考研英語(yǔ)寫作160篇:終點(diǎn)又是起點(diǎn)(考生作文批改及評(píng)分)_跨考網(wǎng)

　　寫作原文

　　As is vividly shown above, on the playground runs a young man, arriving(加at) the terminal point, which is defined as another start one(去掉), and having to go ahead without a short stop(中式思維，改為without a break). Simple as the picture is, the meaning behind it is just as an old Chinese proverb says,“Aspire to inspire until I expire.”Nothing can be equaled with(錯(cuò)誤表達(dá)，應(yīng)為be equal to，或用 compare with) persistence among all the human qualities. What’s more, the public attaches due attention to the above characteristic as well. Those who are perseverance (perseverant)are more likely to achieve success, compared with those who are not. Insistence saves students a great deal of time by eliminating hours spent on hesitation, so they would be able to concentrate more time and energy on their academic work and obtain excellent results. By continuous effort, not only can people accumulate wealth, but will also establish their career, fit into society, and even attain social status. Put it another way, the spirit of persistence shall not be perished from a successful person.(perish用在這里不合適，可改為if you want to be a successful man，persistence is the very thing you need to possess.)For example, Zhang haidi, having difficult in her body(中式英語(yǔ)，可改為having physical problems with her body，或者disabled) since five years old, without persistence, how can she accomplish her study? Without persistence, how can she be a famous writer? Without persistence, how can she be worthy of the title of “Contemporary Paul”?

　　總體點(diǎn)評(píng)

　　文章基本完成了試題規(guī)定的任務(wù)，包含了相關(guān)的內(nèi)容要點(diǎn)，結(jié)尾采用舉例和反問的方式比較新穎，但是文章存在以下問題：1、文章有些許語(yǔ)法錯(cuò)誤，應(yīng)加強(qiáng)自己的語(yǔ)法基礎(chǔ);2、文章運(yùn)用了一些比較出彩的句式，如倒裝句，并且句子長(zhǎng)短錯(cuò)落有致。但需注意一點(diǎn)，句子之間的銜接應(yīng)該更加恰當(dāng)清晰，使人能夠快速地明白作者的思路。需在連接詞那里下功夫。3、文章有的句子很有亮點(diǎn)，如引用的那句名言“Aspire to inspire until I expire.”但依然有一些中式思維的句子。這一點(diǎn)需要作者大量模仿經(jīng)典佳句，讓自己的文章不僅有亮點(diǎn)，而且整篇文章連貫流暢。加油，祝您考研成功!!!

　　參考分?jǐn)?shù)(滿分20分)：14

　　2014年考研英語(yǔ)作文專題

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